Blog Introduction
It all starts somewhere.
Hi all! I’ve never done this before, but welcome to my blog! In this blog, I’ll be discussing my musical past and how it has shaped me, not only as a person but as a musician today. I hope that you not only find this content relatable, but also find both the humor and pain in everything I share.
Blog 1: The Beginning
My parents told me that I was born singing. It was something I did before I could even talk.
My parents told me that I was born singing. It was something I did before I could even talk. I had very early memories of enjoying music in all forms in which I received it. From the radio, TV, listening to records, cassette tapes, or CDs that my family members had while I was growing up. Before I joined Band, I was involved in theatre, which led me to be involved in musical theatre as well. I remember being able to name off songs I really liked on the radio as early as 4 years old, and having to make my mom get Sesame Street cassette tapes because I knew the words to a song on the radio that wasn’t appropriate for someone my age (early 2000s radio was truly something).
As a girl, I was so excited to be able to perform. Getting to sing and dance meant everything to me, and it was because I just really enjoyed it. I guess you can say that’s still true about me today, although my years of performance experience have really shaped how I wish to be perceived by others. It wasn’t until I was 7 years old that I really fell in love with Classical Music. Two events led to this: the soundtrack to the original Spider-Man movie (yes, the one with Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker) and Beethoven’s 9th Symphony. My family was always supportive of my pursuits, especially my grandmother, Mary. She always seemed to ask me to “do that little dance” or to “sing that song” at any family party I was at. She even came to my first play and my very first band concert.
Speaking of band concerts, I remember not making the cut for the first concert I had to “audition” for. I went home, crying and thinking why I couldn’t be at the concert. I begged my parents to still let me go to the concert anyway, so I could watch my peers at the time play. After that night, I started practicing 3 hours every single day so I could be better. When the next concert came around, we did the audition process again, and I got in. I was so ecstatic, and I remember my band teacher at the time commenting on how much improvement I had made. I was so proud of this and left feeling good, although that moment was cut short by one of my peers saying that I must have bribed my way into getting a spot because I didn’t improve that much. Sadly, this became a common theme for me to experience, having to defend myself and my work from the jabs of my peers (This will be a silly topic I will cover in the next entry).
For the next 20 years, I would be dedicated to music (and the arts) in different forms. From drama, musical theatre, concert band, marching band, drumline, percussion ensemble, orchestra, classical choir, and jazz choir are all areas I spent time and poured my heart and soul into. Music has been something that was always a source of happiness because, for a really long time, it was a tool I used to understand the world around me. I also grew up in a family where music had a healing aspect and was closely tied to religion (shoutout growing up crying over gospel music). Growing up as an autistic Black girl made it difficult for me to communicate with my peers and to actually be understood. I didn’t have to struggle with that with music, well, not until I started playing more advanced pieces, but being in spaces where I rarely had peers who looked and acted like I did was a struggle. This is why, now as an adult, I am always so excited to see Black people, especially Black women, in the same field as me. They’re thriving in ways that I’ve always wanted for myself. To be so authentically me and not have to hide any parts of myself is something that, even now, still feels like a pipe dream. I’m approaching my 30th birthday this year, and I hope that there are young, autistic, Black girls who can see me playing, even for a small second, and go “wow…I want to be just like her”.